


A Blessing or a Curse?

by beastlycheese



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-27
Packaged: 2019-07-18 09:01:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,349
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16115162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/beastlycheese/pseuds/beastlycheese
Summary: Gold and Belle have been mutually pining for each other for some time now. Will seeing him starkers move things on, or make things between them more difficult? How will Gold cope now that his penis is the talk of the town? Is Gold's "gift" a blessing or a curse? (Or as I affectionally call this 'The one with Long Dong Gold'.)Inspired by the impromptu Rumbelle Accidental Full Frontal Nudity event on tumblr.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BarPurple](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BarPurple/gifts).



> To barpurple,  
> who gives me the confidence to write and even laughs at my lame jokes.

There she was, the most beautiful woman he had ever laid eyes on. It was cruel really. Why wasn’t she older, uglier, not so goddam perfectly shaped? If she was, then, just maybe, he would have had a chance. She was intelligent, witty, kind, just perfect, and she even laughed at his lame jokes and not his lame leg.

  
It was just his luck that the town librarian also helped the school out with their new swimming programme, so she got to see him out of his suit of armour and here in his ridiculously long swimming shorts, feeling vulnerable and holding onto the hand of his scared little boy. She was, of course eagerly striding towards them, a stunning vision in her swimsuit. He hoped to god she wouldn’t want a long conversation for he was sure that he could only manage a nod of the head while looking at this goddess.

  
“Ah, Mr Gold”, Belle happily addressed him.

“I’m so pleased you could make it to help with Baeden this week. He is very reluctant to get into the water and I thought it would help if you could sit in the shallows with him while I teach the rest of the class. I’m sure once he has got used to the water he will get on…well... swimmingly!”

  
_Speak for goodness sake, say something, stop smiling and nodding like a loon._

“OK, right well if you can come this way Mr Gold, Bae?”

Belle was asking him to follow, and he would, to the ends of the earth, but he was stuck, Bae had gone all shy and was now hiding behind him holding onto the back of his shorts for dear life.

  
“Now come on Bae, let’s go and sit where Miss French ...” Gold twisted and started to encourage his son forward, but the terrified child pulled away abruptly and made a dash for the changing rooms, at the same time as accidentally pulling his father’s shorts to the floor.

  
There was a collective gasp from class 3M and a shriek from Miss Blue as Mr Gold stood stark naked on the side of Storybrooke pool. He desperately tried to retrieve his shorts and cover himself, but without his cane and in shock he fumbled and slipped on the wet pool side tumbling into a heap on top of a gobsmacked Miss French.  
“ _Pervert_!” screamed Miss Blue. “Help Belle, she is being attacked!”

  
Gold felt sick and woozy, he managed to roll off Miss French and cover his shame. But he lay bruised on the wet floor, flailing around unable to get up. He couldn’t even open his eyes and see the look of horror and disgust on everyone’s faces. All he could do was hear a vague mixture of giggling, crying and a gaggle of confused and amused voices, all coming and going.

  
“What was that thing between his legs?”

  
“His cane stupid”

  
“It was _enormous_! My dad’s is _way_ smaller than that!”

  
“That's nothing my Dad's got _two_.”

  
“What happened? Why do I always miss the good stuff!”

  
“Bae’s dad has a really big willy. Is that why he limps?”

  
“Your wiener is so small, will it be that big when you grow up?”

  
“Silence children, swimming is over, line up and go and get changed now!”

  
“That’s not fair we haven’t had our swim yet.”

  
“There has been an accident and we need to clear the pool. Careful now.”

  
At that point the voices faded away as Mr Gold passed out.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Storybrooke "book" club

It was that time of the week again - Storybrooke Book Club, in Belle’s flat above the library.  It had started out _in_ the library, but only Astrid and Mary (“when I can make it”) Margaret had ever turned up , so it had kind of been unofficially moved upstairs to somewhere a bit cosier, and with a fridge to chill the wine.  With the wine had come Ruby and Merida.  That also brought ale and cocktails. Mary Margaret seemed to suddenly have a clearer schedule and had brought Regina and red wine along.  Merida had then introduced her new girlfriend Mulan to the group and with her came all sorts of exotic snacks.  This had prompted Regina to add baked treats to the mix (mainly apple orientated ones, she was always desperate not to waste the fruits of her orchard, while Ruby was ready to break in and chop all the trees down). Not to be outdone in the cooking stakes Mary Margaret’s tacos night had become a regular feature and Ariel had joined the crew too, adding sushi to the menu.

The choice of reading material had also been subverted, especially as the evening wore on.  However, Belle religiously put out her sign to direct book club newcomers upstairs and always started the evening in book club president mode.

“I’m adding a new game to our evenings,” Belle happily chirped to her guests, who were already laying out the goodies and opening the bottles.

“It’s called ‘word of the day’ and anyone who manages to fit the word of the day correctly, and appropriately into the conversation will get a prize.”

“What’s the prize?” asked Mary Margaret through a mouthful of what looked like prawn crackers, Bombay mix and chocolate.

“Better be booze!” cried Ruby, “or no one is playing.” 

“ And this week’s word is _discombobulate!”,_ carried on Belle hoping to keep them on topic for at least five minutes.”

“The Lagavulin,” shouted Merida, “we get to have a shot of the sacred whisky you keep for a _special occasion,_ although we all know it is for when you finally manage to drag Gold into your boudoir to ravish him.”

“Discomwhatulate?” asked Nova.

“It’s a new sexual position” explained Regina, “you can put it into the new fanfic porn story you are working on”.

“ _Yes, yes_ , discombobulate me harder she cried, as he plunged his trusty man canon into her dripping cavern of delights” joined in Merida.

“Lick me ‘til I’m discombobulated” added Mulan.

“And he did until his enormous cock discombobulated all over her heaving breasts” finished Regina. “Oh and talking of ginormous cocks, Belle, Mary, spill the beans on the swimming pool grand reveal.”

“It was hilarious!” screeched Mary Margaret.  “Belle bounds up to Gold all big puppy eyes, boobs thrust out as far as she could manage..”

“please, they need all the help they can get”, interjected Belle.

“When Bae, poor little thing, pulls down his shorts and scarpers.  Gold throws himself on Belle, Faye starts screaming well, ‘Blue murder’ and the kids start an impromptu sex education discussion. Then we realise Gold is out cold and bleeding, we have to evacuate the pool, find and calm Bae down and get the ‘well endowed’ one to hospital.

“So how big was it?” chorused Ariel, Regina and Ruby.

“Let’s just say, he could do porn and he has more than one cane”, described Mary Margaret her arms outstretched and eyeballs rolling and popping.

“Ten inches, at a rough estimate,” sighed Belle.

“Oh, come on Belle, why you are so upset with that?” enquired Astrid.

“Because it is so unfair, because, well, I’ve liked him forever and it has taken me so long for him to trust me that I’m not after a loan or a favour, and now Zelena is sniffing around giving him the eye, and he is just going to think I’m running after him for his huge cock, to jump all over, and I suppose I am, but I was before I knew too. I would have treasured it whatever the size.”

Belle’s confession was met by gobsmacked faces and a large crash. It took a second for the girls to realise that the crash was not from inside the flat, but outside on the stairs.   They quickly opened the door, not a soul, but the sound of a banging door below.

“Oh no,” sighed Belle, “it must have been a new member for the book club.”

“I’m not sure about that”, called Ruby from the window. “It was Gold, and he is looking very _discombobulated_.”


End file.
